In a prayer counseling session, the Lord told me that my road would be quite difficult for quite awhile, but that in this desert place I would be His Queen. As time went on, I felt it settling on me, His grace, His honour, His favour, His beauty, His love. Even in the midst of the difficulty. As my 45th birthday approached, an ad with crowns kept showing up on my facebook page. I felt the Lord tell me to pick out some of my favourites. On the eve of my 45th birthday, He had me narrow my favourites down to just a few. Then He chose one for me that had many pearls on it, twenty to be exact. "Because I am His Pearl of Great Price," he said. During this time, I met Ingrid through a mutual friend. As we talked, it was clear that it was a special season and that He was doing something wonderful in me. God had already been speaking to her about buying crowns with pearls in them and for my coronation she shipped to Romania the exact crown I had seen on the website.
She gave me a word about this crowning being my Emancipation Day (Emancipation definition: The fact or process of being set free from legal, social, or political restrictions; liberation. The freeing of someone from slavery.) This resonated with me as the Job season I was in had stripped me bare, but set me free at the same time. I had gone through so many internal deaths. God showed me idols and helped me destroy them. He helped me face longings and desires and expectations about my life that had not come to pass and gently took my hands away from trying to make them happen and showed me how to grieve what wasn't and to trust Him to provide for what it was I did need. He taught me about boundaries and how to be responsible for myself and my reactions, even when other people are hurt or upset by my choices.
Ingrid reminded me that the pearl represents wisdom--wisdom that is cultivated through hardship. The lustre of the pearl is created by God through our perfecting process. It is the most precious of gems and it comes at a great price. She reminded me that my life had also come at the great price. In Job 28:18 in The Message it says, "Pearl necklaces and ruby bracelets why bother? None of this is even a down payment on wisdom." She sensed that I had gone through a hard Job season that had caused great pain and discomfort and that I had gained wisdom through this hardship, that it was a down payment for the wisdom I had gained (and would continue to gain). She also had a word about the significance of being crowned near my 45th birthday as "45" biblically means maintaining, preserving or protecting the things that matter the most to you. She shared this with me: "In this season the Father is coming into your life with a shield of protection and is preserving what you have fought for over these past years. He wants you to know in this season of your 45th year how much you dearly matter to Him. You, dear Angie, have no idea how precious you are to the Father. He waits for you to wake up in the morning so He can greet you at the dawn and He is jealous for you throughout the day. He is constantly with you and never leaves your side. He is ravished by your presence. He delights over your heart."
And another one about my nationality: "You are a Canadian by birth, and Canadians are gentle, peace-loving and incredibly polite. God delights over His Canadian children, However, because of your generational make-up, it makes it a little counterintuitive to fight. But God wants you to know you have fight inside of you. You carry a heavy mantle of authority and a fight deep inside your nature to call things that are not into being. You have a fight inside you, my dear, to shift atmospheres. You have been planted in a society that is very reserved, respectful, and people keep their distance. Like all Eastern Europeans, family is very important and privacy comes with great boundaries. I feel part of the “pearl” you will be crowned with is going to shift the culture of the family as you change the atmosphere around you. Walls will come down in the spirit and you will be allowed access. I feel this will continue the healing in your heart and it will change those around you. Your crowning will have limitless reach. It is a significant moment."
Shortly before my crowning, I had another prayer counseling session where I saw a picture of a lasso of fire that the enemy had around my head. It was full of lies and was keeping me down. As it was being removed, I felt the Lord whisper that He was removing it to make room for my crown. My crowning was precious. I am a Canadian living in Romania, so all of us met online - Ingrid, Terri (the sweet friend one who connected us), one of my dearest friends who was walking with me through my Job season (and who was overseas at the time) was on Terri's phone, and my daughter, Kasey. The Lord affirmed and sealed all of the deep work He was doing in me. There were promises about a new season that I was entering with new rhythms and that my suffering had brought forth beauty. I was reminded that I am a diadem in the hand of the Lord to be placed where He wills to glorify Him (Isaiah 62:3).
It's been six months since my crowning. I believe my Job season is over and that my crowning was the beginning of the end of that season. My crowning, my 'Emancipation Day', found me in a new spiritual reality - a place of "double portion," just like Job received at the end of the book. It came with a lot of suffering and pain as I died to expectations, hopes and dreams, and trusted the Lord to redeem and give me a double portion of all I had lost and laid down. I believe this came to me in the form of emotional health, courage, strength, inner beauty and peace at a level that I have never walked in before. I am His queen and I wear my crown with confidence and delight!