She's Crowned this month is all about love.
and the greatest of these is love . . .
I have loved you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3
As part of the our team fast this January, I felt I needed to dramatically scale back on my activities, which included cleaning my house. On the surface this doesn’t seem like a big deal, right? Kind of a mini vacation. As the weeks marched on, though, a deep root was being forced to the surface. That root’s name was perfection (which is just another word for control!).
My home environment is sacred. My husband and I guard our atmosphere diligently. We make every attempt to keep our dwelling free from anything that would grieve the Holy Spirit. In keeping a tidy and orderly home, I feel I contribute to the overall feeling of peace.
Controlling my space is a behavior I learned at age 5. A lifetime of needing a neat and orderly environment (and life) caused a mountain to rise in front of me. It was a form of bondage. I had put limits on my life and in so doing, put God in a box.
The harsh reality is that a part of my true self died at that young age, because I allowed myself to become subjected to the false reality that if I were perfect, I would be protected from wounding and trauma. It was a lie! The sick, twisted mind of the enemy wants to keep us trapped with blinders on so we don’t walk in the freedom God intends for us.
The night before our fast ended I had a dream. I was standing in the middle of a cluster of mountains, fog had rolled in, and I could not see my hand in front of my face. In the dream, the Lord said, “This mountain represents the perfection you have allowed to take root in your life and you need to get rid of it. You have three options. You can go around the mountain, however, this will take you a lifetime because this mountain is attached to an endless mountain range. You can go over it, but there are many very dangerous obstacles in your way. Or you can find the faith you need to speak to the mountain and tell it to go once and for all. This option will take every ounce of faith you’ve got and will cost you everything. It will cause you to die to the comfortable, controlled space you have carved out for yourself.”
When I awoke, I had the most unusual sensation that the Father’s Presence had departed. I am not saying He left me! No way! He stepped back to give me the space I needed to find the increased strength and determination to move the mountain.
So today, this is where I sit. Just me and the mountain. I am on the journey to find my deep reservoirs of faith and become completely free. Forever!
No doubt you can relate to some part of this story. We are all women with a history—and history adds battle wounds. Your issue may not be the need for a clean and perfect environment. Perhaps it’s always insisting on having things your way, needing to be the center of attention, or micromanaging your life or the lives of others. Whatever it is, God wants you to be bold and exercise your faith to speak to that mountain (Mark 11:23-24). He wants you to be free. Forever!