Last year was a really hard year for me mentally. Pandemic aside, I battled thoughts in my head and felt like I could not tell the difference between the truth and a lie. My old inner narrative of not being good enough rose up in me and weighed heavily on my heart. I tried to overcome it. I even thought if I did not verbalize what was going on that it would go away. And if I did verbalize it, somehow it would negate all of the work I had done to overcome it. I even dealt with shame over something in my past. I knew that more healing was required; I just did not know how to receive healing or when it would come. I wanted to run away.
In January, I started the gratitude challenge. I made a list of all of the things that I am thankful for and went over the list three times a day, adding to it when something new came to mind. One evening, before I went over my gratitude list, I sat down to do the Bruising the Head of the Enemy prophetic action from the Esther Destiny Journey. Some of the words that pierced my heart were rejection, shame, unimportant, unloved, discarded. All these words speak to my feelings of not being good enough. I wrote these words on my socks and then decided to go over my gratitude list. As I was thanking the Lord for healing me from rejection, Romans 8:31 came to mind….if God is for us, who can be against us. All of a sudden, my perspective was changed. I thought, I may be rejected in life, but I can choose how I let it affect me.
Psalms 118:6 (TPT) says, "Now I know, Lord, that you are for me, and I will never fear what man can do to me." When we have fear, it holds us back from so many things. Oftentimes, the very thing we fear might happen, never does. We often refuse to take a risk because we are afraid. Sometimes when we do take a risk, the result is that we are unloved or discarded. When this happens, we can take our brokenness to the Lord where we find His never-ending love and healing. I am not saying that we should take foolish risks. For me, it’s something as simple as asking to be taken and picked up from the airport. Nor am I trying to minimize being hurt. I have had my fair share of pain. But I am no longer going to let the fear control me.
Another change of perspective that night was regarding shame from my past. The Lord reminded me that my past mistakes were covered under His blood and He remembers them no more. If I can’t leave my past mistakes under His blood, do I really believe I am forgiven? What am I saying about the Lord? This was profound insight for me. All I could do was thank the Lord that His thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways.
Do you need healing from emotional, spiritual, physical and mental wounds from the inside out?