A Restored Daughter

"None of us is born with the right understanding of who we are in the Lord. Neither could we fathom the glory of our true identity." - Zangi Miti

I have spent most of my life wanting and needing one thing: to be loved. The kind of love that makes you feel seen, love that makes you feel wanted and accepted, and certainly the type of love that makes you feel heard and understood. I believe we all want that kind of love. After all, we were all created to love and to be loved. Each of us was created as a labor of love, regardless of the circumstances surrounding our conception. There is One who eagerly anticipated our first breath, who knew us before He formed us in the womb (Jeremiah 1:5). Yet we are born into a world of sin, and with no mercy or consideration for our fragility, the campaign to kill, steal and destroy us begins immediately. Very early, there are words and experiences used to keep us from accepting salvation and seeing the Lord rightly, robbing us of our true identity. This certainly was the pattern in my life. Why? There is no greater threat to the enemy than a woman who knows her God and is known by Him. Through her relationship with Yahweh, her mind is renewed, enabling her to abandon the thought patterns and habits she was raised in, to claim the identity which is her birthright in Christ Jesus (Romans 12:2-3).

With all the education, accomplishments, and knowledge that I had proudly curated, there was still one thing I failed to know or understand—Who am I? I could tell you "what I wasn't" because I spent most of my life trying to prove that I wasn't any of these things: a victim, a failure, stupid, worthless, good-for-nothing, unlovable, undesirable, etc. This pursuit left little room for me to discover who I really was. I was so distracted by this ambitious desperation to prove my worth that I failed to see how I was driven by a taskmaster whose appetite could only be satisfied by death.

In my pursuit of love, acceptance, and healing, I built a life with little consideration for the Lord. After all, how could a God who loved me let such bad things happen to me? One wrong decision led to another. While all looked great from the outside, the house I built on sand began to crumble quickly. A mighty storm called life came and washed away everything I had built. As a single mother, I faced the daunting task of rebuilding. Yet it was in my loneliness and despair that the Lord met me. He comforted me and gently began to restore me. As I discovered more about Jesus, He gently and patiently removed my grave clothes and gave me beauty in exchange for ashes. He washed my wounds, healed my broken heart, and gave me acceptance in exchange for the deep wounds that rejection and abuse had left on my soul. He went to the core of who I am, the place where the skeletons of trauma were buried, and he turned the graveyard of my heart into a garden of life, joy, and hope. He commanded the chains to be loosed, ungodly chains and yokes that I did not know I carried because they had become so intertwined with my identity. He loved me in more ways than I desired, despite what He knew about me. What a healing!

While 2020 was a year of many things, for me, it marked the year when the Lord called me out by my true identity. Through prophetic voices, the Lord called me by name. My crowning ceremony marked one of two pivotal moments in my walk. It was a moment where I felt seen, wanted, accepted, known, and heard by the Lord. I felt his overwhelming love for me and His invitation for more. I answered the call for "Everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat" (Isaiah 55:1). I had nothing of value to exchange for this love or acceptance, but thankfully, a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, [the Lord] will not turn away or despise (Psalm 51:17). I also captured a glimpse of the Father's heart to see his daughters become a fountain of life, locking arms and making themselves available as vessels that pour Holy Spirit life into each other. It is true that the real challenge to receiving God's love is to become secure enough to emulate that love in our relationships, and to believe that He heals us until we no longer need to live in a vacuum, knowing that we can confidently tear down the protective walls we built, which now imprison us. There is great power in sisterhood. In the parable of the Good Shepherd (Matthew 18:12–14), we often focus on the shepherd's pursuit of the one sheep, but we forget to realize that the Shepherd knew that ninety-nine sheep were safer together than the one sheep wandering alone.

The work to restore our godly identity is a lifetime work, just like the attack on our identity never ceases. As we walk with the Lord and spend time in his Word and His presence, we begin to see the truth of our present condition. Yet, it's in our Father's nature to redeem and restore. It is His will that we know the truth of who He is, the truth of who we are in Him, and the hope of the life we get to live because we are His. There is hope in your future, says the Lord (Jeremiah 31:17).

"Such knowledge is too wonderful for [us], it is high, [we] cannot attain it" Psalm 139:6

HRH Zangi Miti